i think i see what you are saying. it wasn't really about the men...it was about the fact you were so detached...and alcohol is really what you desire and want. i can relate to that (but, incidentally, i can relate to using sex as a means to validate myself...i am not saying that is what you were trying to do). there are many nights in my past that drinking wine, watching a movie, talking on the phone made up my ideal evening. sadly, that was the only type of evening i ever wanted to experience anymore. yes, you are young...that is a wonderful asset, but I know that doesn't make change necessarily easier. i encourage you to continue to explore your relationship with wine. you are strong and insightful to speak about it here.