calla12

I just finished my exams and I think I did really really badly and I feel incredibly bad about that. I've noticed that I have a lot of coping mechanisms that I use to try and make myself feel better but they never work. I went home with a man from the bar last night and then left this morning without saying anything while he was in the shower. I've been doing that a lot lately. I have one good friend but I can't help but feel that she doesn't care about me as much as I care about her. All we ever do is drink together. Now that school is over, I just feel so incredibly guilty about how much money my mom has spent on my school and if I fail I don't even know how I would talk to her about it or even go about fixing the situation, like it's not even possible for me to make this ok. If I failed, I wasted a huge opportunity. I'm in my third year of all-expenses-paid university, like I realize how huge of a privilege that is and I ruined it. So now it's friday night and I was invited to go out but instead I'm here in my messy apartment with a double bottle of wine because this is all I wanted to do.