Originally Posted by
Jenibean87 
It sounds to me like a lot of quacking on his part, and his family's part. Seeing him in his pitiful state may alleviate the fears you have of never seeing him again, but having made it 4 months separate, it would also be a step backward in your own recovery from the relationship.
FWIW, my A went to jail a few years back for his DUI and spent 4 months in there sobering up and feeling like a new man. Fast forward a few months after her release to him drinking again. Jail did not heal him, as much as we all hoped it would, himself included.
Isn't it better for everyone involved to let him hit his own bottom and make the choice for himself to recover? Isn't it better for you to release him? It's hard because emotions are always harder to overcome than logic (pot, kettle, black??) but an objective view goes a long way in making choices we struggle with. Good for you for having the smarts to pause and ask for help before acting.
Thank you for this Jenibean. Yes I have thought about that fact that seeing him after so long would just rip me open and set me back. I have told him that every time I see him physically I fall more in love or rather reignite something and it becomes that much more painful when he breaks my heart again. So I was constantly asking "you promise you won't hurt me like that again" and of course it's always "I promise honey, I will never hurt you again", ugh. I know that's unrealistic in any relationship but I don't know, I still have a hard time realizing that a promise from an alcoholic is pretty damn different than a promise from a "normal" person. And I just can’t imagine how any human being can hurt someone they say they love as much as he has hurt me.
So yes by now, after 4 months physically apart and having to go through the disappointment of him ruining the last 2 chances we had at seeing each other, I have been able to detach to a good degree. Seeing him, good or bad, would really mess with my heart and she needs protecting, she needs to continue to heal.
If everyone in his life would step away and let him hit rock bottom, yeah that is absolutely the only way he would get it but I fear that won’t happen. His parents won’t let that happen. Everyone else pretty much has, they won’t and they use the excuse that he is dying and they would rather he die in a peaceful, safe place than on the streets somewhere. I have told him that everyone in his life is pretty much fed up and one of these days he is going to find himself all alone and no one will help him out. He just laughed and said “that will never happen”. Yeah…..lost cause. I’ll always hold hope for him but…..he is far from getting it and I am just asking for pain by staying attached to him.
Yep these posts really help to clarify things!
