I wanted eternal bliss and beatitude, never ending happiness without one moment of discomfort and pain . alcohol and drugs seemed like the way to get that .
As i sat upon my mountaintop of isolation it seemed all right temporarialy.
All the time life was happening around me without me in the driving seat , i made poor choices and got more wrapped up in myself and how i could keep the "magic" lasting .
In the end both drinking and not drinking stank . I thought i was a harmless drunk , but I realised how wrapped up in myself and selfish i'd become with drinking, being terse and nasty with people i loved because i wanted to disengage and chase my high .
3 years on and i'm a nicer person than i was , not perfect but progress , thats pretty good .
Bestwishes, m