Morning all,
Well I have reached the start of day fifteen. One step closer to my initial goal of twenty one days.
Physically, I feel fine this morning. I seem to have beaten the insomnia monster off for the past two days. Sleep comes easier now. I still wake up before the alarm clock. It seems that my bodies internal clock overrides all other clocks. This is not a bad thing though. I have not had the convulsions for a few days now. So I think that I have made it through that horrible phase of recovery. The hand shakes are so barely perceptible that even I am battling to see it now. I woke without a headache, but it did return as I was taking my morning vitamin supplement. I suspect, that this symptom too is on its way out. The numbness under the skin on my cheek is still here, but is so feint that I hardly notice it. Another good sign. Appetite is here this morning in full force. Another good sign.
Mentally, I feel good this morning. The head is clear. The mind is sharp. The concentration is here. I have started playing online chess to occupy my mind a little more and to get all the synapsis firing. I cant comment yet whether it is working as it is too early, but I think that there may be some benefit to this. I am still reading and absorbing copious amounts of information with regards to this illness, but I feel that I may be overdoing that at the moment. So the chess is a welcome reprieve. My spelling seems to be getting better, I don't have to use the spell check as much anymore.
Emotionally, the day started well. I do expect bad patches through the day. I have come to the conclusion that this is normal at this stage. The physical symptoms of the withdrawal are mostly gone, so the AV is now using my emotions against me. I am able to apply logic against this most of the time, where that does not help AVRT seems to work.
I have read a lot about the AA and their twelve steps. I am not sure this is for me though. Although I agree with most of the principals and do believe that there is good in their philosophy, I am not convinced about the break down to remake principal. Anyone who is familiar with army training would be very familiar with this. In the army, they break you down completely in order to re-build you so that you function as a cohesive unit. It is not the most pleasant of undertakings to participate in. While I don't believe that the AA is as sinister as the army, I just don't think that it is for me.
I do not have any aversion to a higher power or anything like that. My problem is that my brain is too analytical. I will definitely re-read the books that I have that form the basis of the AA teachings, as there is much good therein. I will always keep those principals and use them as part of ammunition in my armoury to combat this horrible disease. They, however, will not be the only ammunition that I will employ. I think the more ammunition you have the better for you. I have been looking at SMART. Although, I don't have too much knowledge at this point, and still need to research it some more, I do believe that this is more inline with my character and way of thinking.
This is not to say that AA does not work, or that is bad or anything like that. I am saying that we need to use whatever works best for us. I believe that if we took the principals of all the different organisations out there and put them together, we would have a very effective armoury indeed.
So this is the morning of day fifteen for me. I am as well as I can possibly expect to be with all things considered. I will not drink today. I will do my best to face this day and all the challenges that it brings as a good person. I do not promise not to get cross. I do not promise not to get upset. I do however promise, that I will try to enjoy those little moments of sunshine and fulfilment that pass my way to the fullest.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB