maybe I'm not ready for recovery
Soooo, I started drinking again on Thursday. Curiosity kills the cat I guess. I've drank everyday since then too even though i intended to take a break on sunday. I thought I wanted recovery. I was so sure of it, but I guess maybe not. I think I just want to be able to drink without the negative consequences. And even though some small part of me is aware that my drinking wouldn't be considered normal, I still can't believe I'm an alcoholic. I tell myself everyone else is over reacting. That I'm not that bad...I mean I don't drink thaat much, right? I'm not a sloppy drunk, etc etc. My head is playing tricks on me & I don't know which way is up or which is down. All i know is i finally feel okay now that im drinking again. As long as i have a few drinks my anxiety disappears, not a care in the world. I can sleep again too. I don't know how to describe it except I finally feel normal again and man have I missed it. Not sure why I'm posting here, prolly regret it after sobering up in a few hours.