Yes, it varies by state. For example, California is considered a "no fault" state, meaning that things are either divided up by the divorcing couple themselves if they agree, or if in my case I wanted to challenge something I would have ended up having to pay him support, since my income was double his, even though he's the one who left and wanted the divorce. There were no court appearances and a paralegal filled out and filed the paper work. We walked in and he said, "one quickie divorce coming up," my xah paid the guy $400, and 6 months later I got a letter from the state saying I was divorced.
Now I live in a place where separation and court appearances are a mandatory part of the divorce process.
You can always call another attorney to get the info you need if you didn't know to ask the first one you talked to.
I'm sorry you are going through this.