Originally Posted by
healthyagain 
We are exactly equal when it gets to money making. I do not expect any money from him or anything. What I expected never happened and never will. He is incapable of giving it (romance, family, warmth, reliability), and I understand now and accept it. This is why I have to move on. But my problem is that he will not let go so easily and we sure can fight. And it is toxic on so many levels. So I am wondering, to leave as women leave abusive relationships, move out while he is at work, or take time and do things slowly. And I think I'll go slowly, keep detaching, stay out of his way, and create financial security. Then when I finally file and tell him, if he goes ballistic, I'll have my little den ready. And it is not even alcoholism. That does not even matter anymore.
isn't it strange how in the end for most of us that plan to leave and do leave it isn't about the alcohol. And for some it isn't about the abuse anymore. It is imho the fact that this person we are married to or in a relationship with is just not capable of doing the things we need. I know in my marriage, I'm not happy. There is the alcohol. And there is the abuse. But even if those two went away, there is still so much selfishness, lack of warmth, lack of caring, lack of interest in anything that isn't what he wants. There are so many other things that make me unhappy even if the drinking stopped and the abuse stopped. Thank you healthy again for stating what I think so many of us feel.