How does change happen?
For me, when life and how I feel everyday comes into conflict with how I am living it I become quite irritable, unhappy and just plain sad. In such deep places that make talking or even getting up and moving around tough.
That's when I know change is happening.
To what end I don't know. I have been here before. Many times. In fact that's what told me I was really ready to quit. My thoughts and actions were completely opposite of one another.
I was very sad and very angry this weekend. I woke angry this morning. But I said enough. I sat and was quiet and still. I just took time to feel the pain I was fighting. I took the time to forgive myself a bit more.
Replanted some plants and did some spring reorganization of furniture so my space feels a bit different than it did yesterday. I held my cats and stole a bit of unconditional love from them. They are good for that.
I love my sobriety. In it I am finding real joy. Not everyday of course. These last few days were only possible because I was sober. I never had sober time enough to feel change. Make change happen.
I am not saying anything new. Just acknowledging for myself that I am getting stronger. Better. Even if through the pain of loneliness and sadness. I think when the time comes happiness will be easier to see. That's how change happens for me.
Happiness is a muscle. Give it a flex and remember to smile today.