Sunday morning thoughts
I should be so sick today. I just had a whole week off work, no plans. In the not too distant past that would have been a green light for a bender lasting days and days and I would be coming round this morning in the midst of all that fear and. chaos, feeling so bad physically and mentally that I would swing between fearing I would die and wishing I would. I would be shaking, vomiting. I would be wondering how on earth I would make it into work on Monday and my AV would probably chime in at this point. Planting the idea of drinking some more just to take the edge off. Not too much mind you, just enough to be able to function. We all know how that goes.
Not this time. This time I had a sober and productive week. My days were filled and my nights were restful. I can't tell you how long exactly I have been sober. More than four weeks, less than eight. All that matters is that I am. The longest time I have been completely sober in my entire adult life apart from pregnancy.
There have been many Sunday mornings where I have been so ill and desperate I logged on to the internet hoping to find some hope. Some answers.
I am posting this this bright sunny Sunday morning (with hands that don't shake, miracle!) for people who are doing that today. There is hope. There are answers. And there are countless people out there who understand. Read and learn. There are many different stories and opinions and I personally found what I was looking for here. I made a Plan, a Big one. Others do steps, some do SMART, and some just downright put the bottle down and do it.
The point is, there are options other than continuing the vicious and hellish cycle of addiction. I am so glad for the clarity, the understanding and the peace that I have found. Whoever you are,may you find yours.