Ps. Your first priority is to find yourself again. She is there! If you don't, it is likely that you will waste another 4 years with another sick man. It's so much easier to focus on others than ourselves. You were someone who survived a long time before you ever met this guy. 4 years is just a part of your life, it's not your whole life. Don't lose anymore to him. Nothing in the world has changed but you. There was nothing to fear before him and nothing to fear after him. It will take time, many people here have been helped by al a anon, I do SMART recovery. There are many books on co dependency you can google. (((Hugs)))