Have you heard of AV? It's all over your post.
Being honest: It will be HORRIBLE for a while but if you keep working thought it you will build time and it will be your new reality. You can make your life what you want it to be, but it is completely up to you.
I also wanted to tell you to feel free to be honest. We have all been at a dark place in some way and at some point so don't worry about us judging you. We are here to support you and give you our perspective.
Welcome and hope to see you around.