Originally Posted by
Stratman1 
I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else but to me it does.
It makes sense to me. I was were you are now not to long ago.
Originally Posted by
Stratman1 Basically it's proof positive that she has been lying, stealing, committing fraud, manipulating, gas lighting and then victim blaming on top, for her entire life, and involving me in all of it.
The truth is the truth and no matter what we say or how we say it, once we see it there is really no pretending it is not the case.
Originally Posted by
Stratman1 Because, she has managed to brainwash everyone (including me) that she is somehow the victim in every other case. She absolutely enrages me thats for sure. Years later I am still hoping she will come good on this but the damage has already been done to me.
It's been rough. Also, nobody round here seems to understand my logic. All I've got from people is 'your poor mother' , and 'forget about that money man, sure she is your mother and she raised you' - from complete strangers.
I understand this too. I am the only person that sees her for what she really is. My daughter does in bits and pieces but I don't think she has accepted the idea that she is NPD. She just thinks she is difficult. She must decide for herself. It is like the alcoholic that must admit and accept it, it does no good for me to try to convince others. They won't see what they can't see.
Her false identity, the victim mentality, the blaming it is all part of their false image to the outside world. As I said before, there is usually only one or two people that see the real person, They are called a scapegoat for reason. They are the person the NPD rests all the blame on when the scapegoat finally sees the truth and talks about it. NPD people do not live by the truth, ever.
This will never change. They are always going to behave this way. They will always play victim and they will turn as many people as they can against you as they can. They must win and they will stop at no costs to do it. They do not care if it harms you or the other people.
They cannot feel empathy. Most of us have a conscience and empathy towards others that keeps if from intentionally doing harm, they do not have this capability. They cannot feel empathy. She cannot put herself in your place. She can't think that way. It is all about self and projecting negative away from them. It is how they live and they do not and cannot see they are the problem. Again, not denial, they are not capable.
Originally Posted by
Stratman1 She has been on a mission to paint this picture of a loving mother
This will not change either. She must protect her false image at all costs. She hides behind false care and concern. She will make and create any story to show herself in a good light and you in a bad one in the eyes of others.
Originally Posted by
Stratman1 I think I hate her. I've always been reluctant to admit that. I know it's not a good look in this society, maybe even forbidden but whatever. I've had to live with her my whole life, and I've had to throw myself under the bus to come to that conclusion (+ she gave me a good push)
I understand. Hating or having negative feelings for our parents is considered taboo. Respect is what society says we should have no matter how difficult it is for us but you have to remember the people and families that have this view point were not raised with an NPD parent. They don't know, they don't understand and they are not going to.
There should be mutual respect and there is none. It is always, do what I want, say what I want, listen to what I want and never ever ask questions or want answers. That is not a healthy relationship with a parent, it is not a healthy one for anybody.
Originally Posted by
Stratman1 There is no room for hatred in my heart though, thats the problem. But I have actually suffered my whole life under her. Nobody realizes that because I used to always make the best of it. Dress up, show up etc but I can't even do that anymore. I dunno guys, I really just don't now.
I realize it. I do not hate my mother, I used to though. I hated to look at her, to speak with her and my anger would raise ten fold if she walked into the room. Today, I don't feel that way.
I have validation knowing she is NPD. I have grieved the mother I never had. I know now I am not crazy. She can no longer make me feel guilt, shame, anger or hate. She does not have that power over me anymore.
Removing her from my life helped me move on. It did not give me closure, I did not expose her, I lost some family, I didn't get to send the letter I wrote to her, I burned it instead. It was for me, not for her. I did not go NC to punish her. I did so, so that I could be free to live my life the way I want to with people that love and care about me. I deserve that and so do you.