abitconfused, I am so sorry that you're going through this. I don't have enough background here to know if he's an A? Sounds like he was recovered but perhaps relapsed? I suppose it matters not; what matters is that you're hurting and doubting your worth. I so wish I could hug you and comfort you. Have you ever been to an Al Anon meeting? You might find some real answers there - about how to take care of YOU.