Originally Posted by
doggonecarl 
Could you be stopping your medication to drink? If drinking is the inevitable result of not being on your medication, maybe you are stopping on purpose...so you can drink.
Not accusing, just wondering.
That is an interesting theory that needs to be examined. I think my issue is trying to stop feeling anything. Alcohol helps to deal with difficult emotions, at least for the time being. Feelings are difficult for all of us addicts and not taking my medication makes me catatonic where I don't feel anything. I get so depressed that I check out and probably take comfort in the self-indulgent aspect of it. That is hard for me to admit.
Realizing this makes me more resolved to deal with the underlying health and avoidance issues that cause me to drink. Yesterday was my last day 1. I deserve better. I am going to start treating myself with compassion and care.