Pouncer I know just where you are coming from. I carried so much guilt as a mother over my drinking. I was a serial relapser. I can tell you that with some time the trust slowly starts coming back. It has been easier staying sober now that I have let go of some of the self hate. Right now my relationship with my kids is great.. but I know if I don't stay on top of the sobriety it can deteriorate quickly. I have been a single mother for a long time so I understand independent but I needed help facing up to some of the reasons I drank.