Be a different you. Spend time finding you. In your description I've read two things which might be a pattern that I fell into too many times because I didn't know myself and was never comfortable with myself and wanted to get away. What I see is 1) rescue - you meet and fall in love with someone who isn't necessarily the best fit but a means to an end and gets you away from things and which is a means to 2) escaping. First a Hungarian immigrant and a move to Europe and then somehow you find yourself in Thailand and in another relationship. Maybe skip getting involved in a relationship. I went from serial relationship to serial relationship trying to fill a void. It never worked. And in the meantime, my drinking got worse. Also trying to fill a void. More incentive.