@LBrain and soberwolf - thanks!
@Member - I see the similarities in our thinking now (at least I think I do :P), that concerns the 'hiding your head in the sand' part. For me, there was always a significantly greater sense of urgency when it came noticing signs that 'maybe I can moderate my drinking', eventually they became surefire lifelines for me, that actually always failed. And on the flipside, black outs and disorderly behaviour were 'work accidents'. It just happens, right? And these outbreaks were my way of expressing my true feelings of sadness, disappointment, heartache etc. etc. The logic was that drinking isn't the real problem , the hundred things that led me to the bottle, were. At some point everyone understands (I think, at least to an extent) that they're pulling the wool over their eyes. It then becomes about your reaction to the understanding - whether you make the necessary changes or let it slide and return to the contemplation a couple of years later, with the problems now being far worse than before.