Hi all,
Well it is the end of day nine for me.
Physically, I am buggered. I have been battling fatigue since 13:00 this afternoon. The insomnia really does take it out of you. I am only just managing to keep my eyes open to write this entry. So hopefully tonight is going to be the night I get a good sleep in. The hand shakes seem to be gone this evening - good sign. The burning sensation under the skin on my left cheek is still there, although it is not disturbing me in anyway. I expect that it will start to fade more slowly now. I did not have any brain mist today, so I suspect that I am now over that hurdle too. I had a headache when I got home, but have taken something for it. I suspect that I am getting the headaches due to lack of sleep. Other than these few niggles, I feel great.
Mentally it was a great day. Even with the fatigue I was able to get a full day's work in. My work mainly involves concentration of some sort. I am able to debate with confidence and to convince people with my clear thought out arguments. This is a great feeling compared to how I have been for the last while when drinking. Memory is returning in leaps and bound which is fantastic.
Emotionally the day has been a bit of a roller coaster. It started out calm but I had my ups and downs. It was not as melancholy as yesterday, but it did have its dark moments. For the most part I was able to joke and rib my colleagues and that felt good. It does wonders for the moral and the confidence.
I ate well again today. Lunch and dinner. I have never been much of a breakfast person, but I think I should try. I didn't smoke so much today, mainly because I use my silver cigar. I smoke it in my office and no one has given me any trouble about it. So I think that I am going to try and use that more to give up smoking while I am at it. I have developed a sweet tooth and now need to control my chocolate intake. I still drink copious amounts of water. I avoid soda type cool drinks. I limit my coffee to three cups per day. I have taken to drinking camomile tea before bed. I am hoping that it will relax/soothe me and chase the insomnia monster away.
I spent a fair bit of my spare time reading posts here on SR today. To me it seems as if many new members joined in just today than in the whole nine days combined that I have been a member. Maybe I was not as observant then as I am now.
All things considered, I am in a better place now than where I was when I joined. For that I am honestly grateful. I think now the really hard part of the journey begins. I am not sure what that entails yet other than some vague comments from various friends about healing myself. Even then, I am not too sure what that means. I do know that there are many steps in this journey that have to be taken. What they are - I don't know. I will find out as I go along - one day at a time. There were some books mentioned in the posts today - to those who mentioned them, thank you. I bought them and plan on reading them soon.
Anyway, let's hope the insomnia monster stays away tonight.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB