thanks guys and Red, it will happen, you will get there. I didnt think I could . we grew up together. Have the same friends, his parents and my mom are best friends. It is a whole lotta crap. But you will reach a point where you say NO MORE,, I just can not do another minute. another hour, another day. I am done. you will feel sad, and scared and all sorts of things. But your heart will feel lighter