So 6 days ago I had a few drinks at home with my housemates, all was going well until the switch clicked.
For me, I don't know when or why it happens but it often does when drinking. It's like I switch to another person, apparently I sound slightly different and I don't act like myself at all. I always end up taking an overdose when I get like this.
This time I cut myself on my wrist and really badly on my leg. I ended up in hospital and had to be stitched up etc. I called in sick to work for the week and am due back on Tuesday (now Sunday). My boss text me the next day to check what happened. I have decided be honest, I honestly feel a change in me where I actually want to be sober and not hurt myself anymore. So I need to be honest with people. I told her I had a breakdown but didn't mention the cuts as she'll soon see those on Tuesday when I have my return to work meeting. She never messaged me back after I opened up though. A colleague told me that she was only fussed about staffing levels hence why she messaged.
My inner dilemma now is what to tell her. I can't tell her that any of it is drink related as I would lose my job, but I will be honest about what I did and how I've struggled with depression for 18 years. I just feel so nervous about telling her as I don't open up to people I don't know well face to face.
Now I've written this down it already doesn't sound so hard, but I really could do with some support. I'm going to start a blog, as this whole diary like writing is feeling very therapeutic already!
Hope you're all well. Day 5 sober
