Ann,
Thanks for picking it up regarding his mother.
She texts and calls when she knows he is with me. The latest being just now. It is 11 p.m. here.
I suggested to him that he ask his mother not to text or call when we are together as it hurts my feelings.
We are all powerless against each other's actions. But we as individuals can choose what to do. If you are a parent of a child who is 30 years past adulthood, what possesses you to text and call when he is with people who don't use? Is it the same reason you believe that he got kicked out because the meth I found was a "really old" misunderstanding?
I watch "Intervention" episodes daily, fantasizing that She might see that as a last-ditch effort to save your kid, or that She would pay for a good inpatient with your ample resources. Or his half of couples therapy. That she might see my Ninth Step as maybe an invitation to do more. She won't, and I am powerless to make Her do otherwise.
Part of my Step Six is to get myself OK with the character defect of despising Her and mothers like Her. It will take a miracle of a Step Seven to be OK with removing these defects.