1. Nothing was flushed down the toilet. You can't erase past sobriety with drinking any more than you can erase past drinking with sobriety. Those 35 days happened. That voice in your head telling you they got flushed is a liar prepping you for his next drink.
2. You're not a failure, you're a learner. Seems to me like you learned that a) your wife is getting sick of this crap, b) a month of sobriety didn't turn you into a normal drinker, and c) drinking alcohol has serious negative consequences for you
3. You can't just stop once you've started because you are addicted to alcohol. So am I. So is Dee74, mecanix, Marcher13, and thousands of other members here. You are in good company.