getright15

So my reason for drinking last week was because well I told myself...I feel like a beer. The AV in me was just itching at me. Felt that after a month I could handle it get it a shot. Had a few tall ones while relaxing at home. The we celebrated my wife passing her exam to gain entrance into nursing school. Part of the issue is that as alcoholic we love to drink. Those 2 days turned into about a week drinking and misery. Luckily I'm off call from work and I was supposed to be starting another job this pass Monday the 6th but that got kiaboshed just before the weekend. Sucked because we were really relying on that extra cash. Anyhow...to help with the withdrawal I tapered down the last day because I wanted to stop. So here I am starting over.....

The part I don't get is my wife asks me why I can't just stop. I wish I had an answer for that. Like in the middle of a bender I want to but I just really can't seem to find the will to stop. I know it makes her sad and she really hates it when I'm in that state of mind. I'm the worlds worse person when I'm like that in her eyes. So today I'm finally sober and she asks me the question so what are we going to do about this because I can't keep living like this. It's like I have a 3rd child she says(we have 2). I really don't have answer as I don't want to make anymore promises. I know she's at her wits end and how can I blame her. I have a therapist that I see who deals with addiction, but I'm just not sure besides the obvious of making sure this doesn't happen again?