Well, Wendy ..... it must be very difficult to face that and admit your faults, but just remember *THAT* was not the *REAL* you! It was the you that was infected with this awful disease called *addiction!* It had a HOLD on you that you just couldn't control. I'm sure you tried your hardest to beat it, but the drug was stronger than you were. I'd like to say to try to forget the past and focus on the here and now; but that's easy to say and hard to actually do! I know ..... I'm there.
For me, I can honestly say that I was the world's greatest mom when my girls were little. It was the HAPPIEST time of my life. I almost wish I were back there now! I did EVERYTHING with/for them. I was a stay-at-home mom then .... and I work from home so that I can still be here for them NOW! BUT, their opinion of me is not what it used to be, and for that I am so ashamed!
I only started screwing up three years ago; which believe it or not, was the worst time. Kids in their teens are so vulnerable and they are able to understand and see what's happening around them. I don't wish that I was LIKE THIS when they were younger ..... I wish I NEVER was ..... but, truth is it would have been a lot easier and less painful on THEM!
I'm glad you went with your youngest yesterday! Isn't it wonderful to enjoy life with your little blessing without using/drinking? I'm sure you saw the park in a different light!
I'm glad your temper tantrums are getting better and that you're seeing the wonder in life that you experienced as a child! I also almost wished I had NEVER grown up!
Enjoy this time with your girls ..... sounds as if they are young! Time changes EVERYTHING! Although there are wonderful things that happen as they grow; but their need for *YOU* isn't as powerful and sometimes I feel saddened about that! Especially my 18 year old. Ya know ..... a boyfriend, driving, etc. ..... no time for mama! Sniff sniff, sob sob! They are terrific girls and have turned out unbelievably considering the last few years have been so turbulent and confusing to them!
Not quite a year old, ey?????????? Just think what you have to look forward to toots!!!!! Can I come to your 1st B'day party! Will you have cake, ice cream, silly hats, and blowers?
Thanks for your responses ...... it has brought the wonderment of childhood back to me and it's truly amazing! Let's stay this way!
Keep the image and the happiness felt yesterday while enjoying the park with your girls with you ..... and that should get you through many a day!
I wish you a peaceful, fun-filled, happy, and EXCITING day!
Much love,
Maria
PS: We have geese at my park ..... wanna go feed them bread ..... then RUN like hell when they come in groves and attack????????????? LMAO!