FTS - I totally get the future tripping. I've never dealt with physical abuse, but I think living with an alcoholic is generally an abusive situation. In my case, and if I'm really honest, probably both ways - I'm the queen of the silent treatment, and just taking off when I don't want to deal with him. That's abusive - as much as his nit picking and targeting me for a fight, and bagging out on plans so he can drink. We've both sunk to calling names and degrading eachother.
Anywho - because so many times have sucked because of his drinking and my reaction to it, i've learned to "have zero expectations." That sounds nice. What it really means for me is I PLAN on him failing at being able to drive in the evening, talking about our days when I get home, going to family events, remembering anything, or intimacy. He's proven me wrong as much as hes proven me right.
I don't know how to stop, or if I should stop 'protecting myself' - i.e. bracing for the worst.
My dad has really scary terminal cancer right now - one of the blessings in all of it is that I don't feel entitled to sweat much of anything anymore. I'm TRYING to take each day, no, each moment as it comes because this horrible situation has made it very clear to me that nothing in life is guaranteed. Nothing.
FEELING that realization (although i've always known it) is changing me in a great way. I never thought it possible for a controlling codie perfectionist planner worrier and fixer of all to take everything as it IS, rather than try to mold it as i think it should be.
Maybe it all goes back to gratitude? If we give thanks for the good that is in this moment, and deal with the bad the best way we can in this moment, then the future won't mater much because we know we are headed in the right direction. I dunno - I share your struggle there.