Originally Posted by
amy55 
Hi, welcome to SR
I hope you don't mind if I take a stab at this from a different direction. Take what you can, leave the rest.
I drank my way through an abusive relationship. I couldn't deal with being told that everything about me was wrong. In your first post, you mentioned how she dressed.
People want to feel accepted. Said the first 5 years of your relationship were great. In the beginning of a relationship people try to please people. It actually could be that you only wanted to see her for who you wanted to see her for. She starts to dress differently, you don't like it. I did hear where you would yell, and scream at her. Be controlling, your own words.
I did hear that you have a background also. That you didn't want to repeat yours.
I have a question for you. Do you want her to be the person you want her to be, or the person that she is (forget about the alcohol here).
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
amy
You are absolutely right. I did see her the way I wanted to see her. But I guess my gripe/resentment is that she had no right to be with someone like me when she knew how I am and what I want. There were plenty of guys who would be better suited. I made it very clear early on what I wanted in life and she assured me that she wanted the same thing and couldn't believe there was someone else like her.
And its not that easy for me to 'forget' about Alcohol. I don't drink, never have and don't intend to either. And that is what I wanted in a life partner which she pretended she was. And at this point it doesn't even matter which person I want her to be. She is who she is and is living her life the way she intends to regardless of my likes and dislikes.
Any ways, at this point its spilled milk. I have two daughers with her and I intend to stick to my vows and make this marriage work. Which is exactly what 'Florence' alluded to. Either I stay and make it work and let go of the resentments. Or leave her since she is not the same person who I married. Which is what I am working on through couseling. Its going to be easy but I am giving it my all. And that is the most I can do.
FYI: I am the one who gets told that I do everything wrong. We rarely ever argue because I didn't like something.