Hi Youngladysober - glad you posted! The honesty of your post is very refreshing. Many here and in the rooms I attend would never speak or post from the heart as you just did. Seem you have a level of willingness but maybe not acceptance. In my experience, it typically is the other way around.
I had accepted I was an alcoholic, but really was not willing to do much about it. Especially when I was young. As I aged I figured there really was not much hope of really every quitting and change maybe was not possible. This is the diseased mind telling us this - it lies!
I see young people daily that stop and stay stopped - I see older folks do the same thing as well and we all see those who do not stop. Those friends typically just don't want to really do what it take to stay stopped. Others go back out because our disease lies - does push ups waiting for us. They think they can drink again like a normal person - after 10 -15 -20 years or more!! That's the insanity.
Remember this if nothing else from this wordy post - No one can tell you how to get to the point of accepting you cannot drink. You have to find the path for yourself - my path is not yours and vise versa. Alcoholism Will Kill around 3million people this year - it does not care how old you are. If you want to live a full happy life find the way.......
Even if you hate AA - consider going to open meetings and listen to people in their 40-50 and 60's trying to quit. Picture yourself that age still trying to find your way.......
Our disease is doing push ups, gaining strength - waiting for us to fail.