Jeni it sounds like you are blaming yourself for your husband's relapse. A recovering alcoholic can relapse at any time if they don't look after their recovery. As they say in alanon, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. It's a progressive disease I'm sure you know, that progresses whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. I know it's really hard, I'm a recovering addict who has just spent a couple of years with a drinking alcoholic and so many times I just wished I could make him see that meetings work, that life is good sober. At least your husband knows that and may come back to it. Do you go to alanon? It can be a huge help.