I'm not sure how this story will end.
In October I will have been married 25 years. We have had a good marriage and are best friends. There is a lot of love and shared history between us.
We met in a pub and straight away it was obvious we both had 'issues' with drinking. I came from a difficult family dynamic and he offered me a way out of that, plus together, we could offer a sanctuary for my little brother who was still trapped in an often violent and abusive family dynamic. I'm not sure if I truly loved him initially but I was damaged and vulnerable and he had a big heart.
We drank for 22 years. Most of that was happy although I believe our drinking deteriorated into alcoholism for us both at some point. We had 2 lovely kids and they have grown into fantastic young adults.
In May 2012 I gave up drinking and he followed me soon after and the past 2 years have been the happiest ever. It was difficult at first, we'd both drunk for a long time, but somehow we re-connected in a way I'd never thought possible.
Then I relapsed at Christmas and he followed. I drank every couple of weeks to blackout whereas he seemed to be able to moderate. I have stopped again, it's been a little less than 3 weeks, but I feel totally re-committed to sobriety. I've re-worked the steps and am attending meetings at every opportunity again.
He on the other hand has begun that slow decline backwards and it is breaking my heart to watch. He is a good kind man who turns into a loud belligerent drunk, and it's happening more and more often.
I feel such guilt and sadness. I am absolutely certain that if I hadn't drunk again, he wouldn't have picked up either. I can't turn the clock back. I have told him how his drinking affects me but he is totally in denial. He drank on the way home from work today, when he finished at lunchtime, and is still drinking now at 9 pm.
I know he won't quit again, he has told me as much. I'm at a loss in how to deal with this. Detach with love is what my sponsor advises, but he is my life partner and none of his actions are meant to hurt me.
I'm sorry if I've posted in the wrong forum, but I'm having to look at travelling a distance to reach my nearest al-anon meeting and I could do with some advice. Hope that's ok.