I definitely relate to this. I'm sorry you're going through this. My dry AH hasn't drank since October, but has not attempted to make any other changes or do any real "soul searching" or individual therapy.
He prefers to blame all of our issues, as well as his drinking and his cheating on me.
He stopped drinking, which I do give him credit for, but he thinks that's the bottom line. He's done his part, so what's my problem? is what he thinks.
Like your AS, mine was anxious to start couseling together, to get me to see that the problems were on me... but when that's not what happened he refused to go back, and blamed the counselor... she's just one more person who doesn't "understand him."
I think, like Hopeful said, sometimes the past resentments are just too much to get over. The hurt is too deep. At least that's how I feel, and I think my AH does too.
It's a hard place to be in. I want so badly to still have the man I married and feel loved in the way I used to, and to feel safe with him like I used to. I want to love him in the way that I used to... It's hard to accept that is just not going to happen. Especially when there are still good times along with the bad.