Recovery IS selfish. It has to be. Fighting addiction is like trying to stem a tidal wave with a surfboard. It might get easier over time, but she will be dealing with this for the rest of her life.
Couples who survive addiction usually do so by BOTH sides working a strong program and each keeping to their own side of the street. For you that might mean managing your expectations and working through some resentments. This stuff is extremely difficult, and the relationship is not going to be repaired or rebuilt overnight.