Madtown

Hello all,
I have an alcoholic sibling, who self-medicates for depression and anxiety issues. We are close, and I want that to continue as does he.

Not going to paint a complete picture of him, don't want to write a book and the question pertains mostly to me. I've done a lot of reading and research, have gone to Al-Anon meetings, and have had discussions with professionals regarding having someone with his issues in the family. I'm well aware that I cannot control him, make decisions for him, and that his life is not my responsibility.

Despite knowing these truths, I still find myself sometimes feeling guilty just living my own life and pursuing the things I desire to pursue. I just feel bad for him! I know life doesn't always seem fair, but I just cannot get beyond my sympathetic feelings for him having to deal with some things out of his control, and how they have impacted his life. I haven't been a very big drinker since college, 20 years ago. But now, sometimes feel guilty just going to happy hour where I may have only 1 or 2 drinks. I maybe have 2 drinks a week, on average, sometimes less. I don't really miss it, it's just that there's kind of a sense of guilt around enjoying this, when I've talked with my sibling about their needing to likely stop drinking entirely, as part of recovery.

This feeling of guilt works its way into other areas of life also, in feeling a little guilty getting to pursue fun things that he just cannot, at least at this time(vacations, etc). These aren't overwhelming feelings, that prevent me from doing any of these things or keep me up at night, just thoughts that creep in. I just can't help but think along these lines, despite my knowing that it's not up to me how he lives his life, and that my life is the only thing I can hope to have any control over.

If anyone has experienced similar thoughts, I'd appreciate any advice!