Hi Army of One,
I feel your pain , as I am sure many on this forum do. The tricky Dry Drunk syndrome ... Some say no such thing , I say there is, or at least there is some form of mental disorder that closely resembles the alcoholic behaviors. In my case , I could never really believe that my partner could be in the midst of a very strong dry drunk,(sober for 14 years , not going to AA for 10). I finally realized that I was thinking correctly when he started actively drinking. It is not about you , its her war not yours. Detachment in love , we can find peace.