Hi all,
So I am actually doing ok. I have read alot about the disease of alcoholism. It turns out, maybe just maybe it has nothing to do with whether he loves me or not , whether he wants a relationship with me or not, it is that he is not capable of having any relationships. This has been proven time and again to me over the course of all these years. He has no relationship with any of his family , only his dad , who is very selfish and pulls xabf away from relationships by manipulation. My xabf feels indebted to his dad therefore he must take his dads point of view. Most of the time I feel relieved but sad, then the anxiety and self doubt creep in . I have been recognizing the feeling , and reminding myself of the truth , he does love me , he is incapable of having any relationships. My recovery was messing with him , he was jelous and could not deal with it. I feel relieved that he finally broke down and drank , not because I want him unhealthy but because he has been drunk for the last several years , just not active. I am hoping this is the begining of his "bottom" . I wish him well. I wish myself well, I can live through this short term pain , for the long term gain .. Hoping for a brighter future for myself! Much love to all Paula