Good morning, Hopedrive. I'm glad you found us here--there is a lot of experience, strength and hope shared here, and you can always find an understanding ear to listen.
You say you've been reading around on the forum for a bit, so that's good. I don't know if you've checked out the stickies at the top of the page yet. If not, here's a good place to start:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html There is a lot of wisdom in that section, and it's a good place to go for education.
You also mention that you need to go to Alanon. Yep, I bet you probably do. I sure did! SR is a great place, but we are online and thus are limited in some ways. In my opinion, the face-to-face contact and real-world support in Alanon makes a wonderful combination w/SR. It's been a strong force for learning and change for me, for sure.
You also mention that your A is "high functioning but getting worse in some ways." You'll see it said here that "high functioning" is a
stage of alcoholism, not a
type of A. You'll also see it said that alcoholism is a progressive disease. What this means for you and your kids is that
this is the best it will ever be unless he seeks recovery. This is an important fact for you to remember when thinking about your future. He will be a good husband and father at times, but those times will grow fewer and farther between as the disease claims more and more of his mind and body. As you've read here, there is not a damn thing YOU can do to stop the progression.
It's a lot to absorb, a lot to process. You don't have to DO anything right this minute (except maybe get to that Alanon meeting and keep reading/posting here at SR!). Keep coming back--we're here for you. It will be OK in the end.
Wishing you strength and clarity.