A completely sober life is terrifying and I tell myself that in my situation with lupus and a heavy drinking husband I have to learn to drink moderately just to survive. So by tomorrow night, I'll start drinking again. Just one or two glasses of wine, I'll promise myself, and then, like last night, it will turn into 5 glasses of wine and a martini, and the insanity cycle will start all over again.
Eliasson,
you're telling yourself a story about what you'll do tomorrow and writing it in stone.
you can choose to tell yourself a different one. one that goes something like this:
i don't know how to do a completely sober life and i'm scared of that unknown. but i can get help with figuring that out and i can learn tools and sitting with being afraid is okay and won't kill me. i want better than to just 'survive'. i deserve better. tomorrow i'm going to get myself some nice tea/hot chocolate/ seltzer/juice and snacks and a good movie.(i'll have a bath/phone a friend/read a book/take a walk/do a puzzle/come to SR/go to a meeting/go swimming) and i will make the changes required to start out on the sober journey.
something like that. and then follow it.
you can change the story. only you can.