Change your thinking. I hear alot of negative self talk that is setting you up.
Originally Posted by
Eliasson 
A completely sober life is terrifying
Sobriety is not terrifying, it's just the unknown that scares you. Try "exciting" rather than terrifying.
Originally Posted by
Eliasson I tell myself that in my situation with lupus and a heavy drinking husband I have to learn to drink moderately just to survive.
There is no such thing as moderate drinking for an alcoholic. Tell yourself you can easily survive without moderate drinking.
Originally Posted by
Eliasson I wish I had the strength and courage of others on this forum.
Everyone here was where you are at now. You DO have the strength and courage! We are all pulling for you!