Can't make it more than 2 days
I really want to be sober. I can usually not go for more than 2 days. I wake up hungover, like this morning, beating myself up and hurting emotionally and physically, and I make promises to myself about never drinking again. I may even go to a meeting. I'll feel awful all day so won't have a problem not drinking tonight. Tomorrow will be a different story. I'll wake up feeling better, and I'll start talking myself out of sobriety. I'll be pretty sure I can handle just a couple drinks maybe two nights a week? A completely sober life is terrifying and I tell myself that in my situation with lupus and a heavy drinking husband I have to learn to drink moderately just to survive. So by tomorrow night, I'll start drinking again. Just one or two glasses of wine, I'll promise myself, and then, like last night, it will turn into 5 glasses of wine and a martini, and the insanity cycle will start all over again. I'm a smart woman. I know I have a big problem. I wish I had the strength and courage of others on this forum. So I guess I'll make this Day 1 again. And pray I can make it through Day 2 sober. Thank you for your patience with me.