I am new to all this, so I can't really give any advice or answers, but.....I recently started reading books to help me. I am terrified at who I have become. The one thing I am trying to learn is that they know they have been drinking, my pointing it out is just a trigger for the usual drama. He gets defensive, I get sad, hurt, angry....Nothing will be accompolished when he is drunk. After reading "Getting Sober" I realized that all my insights, opinions, don't matter in that moment. Hell, half the time they don't remember.It truly sucks that you have to come home to it. They don't think we notice. It took my man losing almost everything for him to try to sober up..it took a slow month and by this time 4 months later , we are back to the begining. The only advice I can give is, get yourself help first. I am only successful when he has a sober moment, then maybe just maybe he will hear me. I have fallen into a pattern of looking for bottles, then finding them....then what. My screaming and crying doesn't mean anything. They immediatley will deny and defy anything. You need to help yourself, because the negativity will/can destroy who you are. I have learned my patterns for expecting the pain, the hurt, I have made myself a victim. And I have found that for so long I used his problem to validate my own problems. Don't get sucked into this. It sucks thinking and worrying about them all day. Do they think about us the same amount of time? It is said that alcholism is a selfish disease. It seems that you are worrying about her well being more than you are focused on your own. I have hope that by finding my peace, it will reflect on him, but what do we do in the meantime? Breathe.....