Thank you NEGRITS! That is what I have always heard also. He told me a while ago that he was concerned he wasn't doing the right thing and he consulted with a priest who "told him that he absolutely should always put his children first". It doesn't matter he keeps asking advice until he finds the answer he likes. I was always taught to believe that you put your spouse first and that it helps give the children (biological, step, etc) the security they need in the home. My parents were married 58 years when my father passed away. My aunt and uncle 60 and my grandparents at least 50. His parents were divorced when he was in college. So I think I will go on thinking what I have been taught.
It doesn't matter, I know where I stand with him. Tonight he told me he loves me but doesn't like me and then began to (with great enthusiasm) list all of the negative things about me he doesn't like. He also told me he doesn't care about me at all and if I go away it wouldn't bother him for a second. He told me it would be so much better for him if I went ahead and divorced him. I can go on and on.
I think I was so focused on his lies that I didn't realize I have been the biggest liar. I have lied to myself that it isn't as bad as it truly is. And I have lied to myself by thinking if he gave me a real chance we could be happy. And the worst lie of all, that his abusiveness didn't effect my children.