He doesn't spend nearly as much time obsessing about you as you do about him. I'd bet cold, hard cash that he doesn't give you a second thought unless you're on the phone and he's trying for a booty call.
I wasted years on my ex trying to give him a reason to stop drinking, sex included. All it did was wreck my self esteem and make me feel unworthy because my love wasn't "enough" for him.
What is there to "handle" here? What you're really asking is how do you get him to do what you want so that you can turn your fantasy of a fulfilling adult relationship with this guy a reality. He's abusive, he's sexually crude and inappropriate, he's an alcoholic, he had to file for bankruptcy because he can't hold down a job or handle normal adult responsibilities.
You can either accept him exactly as he is and go for broke trying to make this "relationship" work or accept him exactly as he is and move on. Or there's "option C", the one you're trying so desperately to choose, which is- Change him into the man you think he has the potential to be and live happily ever after. That's not a viable choice because it's not based in reality.
This isn't really about his attitudes, behaviors or even his alcoholism. It's about reality and whether you're ready to accept what's been right in front of you this whole time.