Sorry, if I am misunderstanding this post, but what I am reading, is that both of you are trying to control the relationship with sex.
He is asking outright, "if i do this with you, do I get laid?' You say if we spend "non sexual" time together '"we'll see"
You say you want a safe and sober future, yet you are involved with an alcoholic, not to sound cruel, but there is no magic pixie dust to sprinkle on this situation.
He, is who he is, you cannot rewrite his current lifestyle choice.
***** And he "gets it" he is just trying to manipulate the situation and/or he has expressed his expectation and you are in the but I am thinking something else mode, sorry but I can't hold out much hope for your expectation.