carmen303

Since my relationship with an A, I'm so confused as to what is normal behavior. So, I have one question pertaining to sex.

When we started dating and became closer, our relationship moved forward as relationships do, except I unfortunately learned that I was dealing with alcoholism. So, I had a lot of worry over the realization of this. I was looking to a potential future of having a partner that drinks too much, who gets angry or inappropriate at times and has a difficult financial situation.

I love him. He's funny and he's like my best friend. But because of his problem and behaviors associate with the problem, I began pulling away. Our intimacy stopped. I told him what my concerns were and he said, well maybe we can move more slowly and start over. I told him that I love him, but I don't know if this will work and he knows why.

So, he calls me daily and I enjoy our talks, but he'll always find a way to say some kind of sexual remark. It makes me uncomfortable and I'll ignore it. I think that he feels like he's been patient enough (and in normal circumstances, I'd agree) ... however, I don't see how anything has changed. He only talks to me on the phone, but won't see me in person, unless he thinks sex is possible.

He wants to know when all will be back the way it was. I don't know how to answer this. When we had intimacy, it was by the end of the night and by then he had become drunk. I don't want that to happen again.

I told him that I would like to spend non-sexual time together, to see what's possible; build our friendship, see if this has possibilities. He'll act okay with this and then later gets upset of frustrated. If there's no sex, he always has an excuse to not get together. I invited him to do something special with me, but he wanted to know if there will there be an opportunity for sex.

Is this a normal guy thing or is he being totally disrespectful to me. This is hard; I'm trying to see what is possible with a drinker (who I hope will get better, because he keeps saying he's "working on it"). We are both in limbo and I don't want to say goodbye, but I'm so stuck.

I feel like I'm depriving him and that I'm this terrible person, but I need to feel secure and safe and see a sober future in order to want sex and I don't feel this way, even though I love him.

Under these circumstances, am I being too hard on him? I've been totally honest with him about how I feel, but he acts like he doesn't get it. I feel very pressured. I just want it to be natural, not expected of me. As I said, I've forgotten what's normal. Is this the way all guys feel. If no sex, there's no point in spending time together? He thinks talking on the phone (but never seeing me) is starting over fresh and that now I should be ready.

How should I handle this and still have him in my life? thanks.