allmirages

I feel the same way and I'd bet many others here do, as well. Sometimes I beat myself up for being so naive, but then I snap out it. I had NO IDEA...none, zip, nada...as to what my ex was into. Then when I learned it was H, I did want most compassionate people do for those they love that are in what is perceived as a crisis and have absolutely no knowledge of addiction and all it entails....and did whatever it took to try to "fix it", "help", etc. I've only recently realized how deep I was in it and the emotional damage it has done to me. And, that realization only came about because I am no longer with my ex. I think once you are away from it and can really look back...all the pieces/parts that maybe didn't make sense then...make sense now.

Please know that you are not alone. All of your feelings are valid and the process is very, very painful. But, I feel, like you, we need to face this head on, so we can move past it. I have good days then bad days...then days that start out good and then I hear a song or pass a place that has a bad memory of him and I get upset. i am committed, though. I will not let him or anyone else define my self worth...I will get through this. I know you will, too. Big hugs to you!!!