Thanks all for commenting and I'm glad that you were able to get something out of this post! I wish I could say I had gotten out of my relationship with my ex AH trauma free, but I have not. I continue to face the pain of it daily and head on. If I need to cry, I cry. And boy, do I cry. For anyone who is currently closely involved with an active addict, I have a small word of experience: I was not able to start recovering and healing until I left. 6 months in and there is not a day that goes by I don't sit and cry, hurt, rage, and then find joy again. I sound emotionally unstable because I AM. Thank goodness for this forum. I will never forget my first posts and how damaged I was in the beginning. You can't believe what you allow to happen in your life until you are put in that position.