Dreams of using are completely normal. We do something for years and years and it becomes a way of life. Just because we put the drink/drug down doesn't mean it's completely gone from our minds whether is be consious or unconsious. I've had plenty of them and they definately are scary. In the first few weeks, I had dreams where I would be sitting at a bar with a friend drinking soda, eventually I would order a beer take one sip and act as if I forgot that I couldn't have one. I would wake up feeling so guity and shameful that it took me about 15 min. to realize it didn't really happen, and then came the flood of relief. For me, this just reinforced the fact that there was no more denying I was an alcoholic. I almost looked at it as if my higher power was just trying to help me along with Step 1.
Over time, my drinking/drugging dreams have changed. I find that "sobriety" is starting to enter the picture. In one dream, I found myself so filled with shame and worrying about getting back up to get my 24 hour chip. And that dream gave me a sense of rememeber when. In another dream I remember being at a wedding and saying "I can have one glass of wine". And I had a freaking BLACK OUT, in a dream. (That was so insane to me). In the dream, all of a sudden it was the next morning and I was crying while talking to my Mom and she filled me in about the night before, how I was ********* to talking to nuns (of all ppl!) about my sobriety! (Oh the irony). This dream provided me with the reminder of what exactly is going to happen if I dabble in "just one". So overall, I find that over time my dreams are starting to become more about the things I'm learning in AA, and less about the "good times" itself. I can actually FEEL the feelings of guilt and shame in my dreams and to me, that seems like it's just a lesson to be learned. I think my higher power is trying to tell me something here.
It's just another one of those things in life that we have to go through along the path.
Anna