It is very helpful reading all these posts, as everyone puts perspective into my thought process. I have had bouts of abstinence before, but not sobriety, and it is becoming apparent to me that these are not the same thing at all. Kind of like how spirituality and religion are not the same thing. As I sat in an open AA meeting yesterday morning, and listened to the speaker, my inner voice was telling me how much I want that - peace and contentment and a feeling of purpose and belonging. First though, I have to allow myself to heal and learn.