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03-29-2015, 11:30 PM

# 8 (permalink)

searching peace

Member

Join Date: May 2014

Location: Alabama

Posts: 493

Quote:

Originally Posted by healthyagain

Thanks, searching peace, and big hugs to you. I am 35 but am afraid of relationships. It will take lots of time for me to open up and start trusting again. You see, everything I told him, my secrets (no dirty past, but intimate vulnerable stuff), he is turning against me. The point is, I love my mom with all my heart although she was mean form time to time, but she was strict, and we had lots of misunderstandings, and this man has no right bringing these things up because if I could bring my mom back, if I could hug her, and tell her how much I missed her for the past 13 years, I would do absolutely EVERYTHING. That is one thing. Second, I know he says this to be mean, to hurt me, and it did work. And the reason I pulled the paper out was to prevent further insults, and that worked too. For the past few months, every time he did something mean, I would do something to make my move easier (opened a bank account, got a new phone number and cell phone, found an attorney, started packing my clothes, started checking out apartments, etc.) A few days ago, I posted a new thread asking if he were oblivious. I guess I got the answer this evening. I am not accused of an affair, I am accused of at least two. I am sleeping with the whole block, apparently. So he is not oblivious, he knows something's cooking, but it is hard for him to accept Now that I think about it, I am very happy I told him what I did. And I absolutely, in no way on earth am planning to stay. I am going to get some sleep now. Tomorrow is a new day.

Healthy again, I know it will take time to trust again. Maybe look into freezing your eggs. That way you won't have this pressure on you with time. And then when you do find someone even if you are 15 years older yall can do invitro with a surrogate. There are lots of ways to have your own biological child no matter what your age. My low self esteem also comes from my mother. My poor brother has it worse than I do. It took me going through all of this with my stbxah for me to realize the issues I have stemmed from my mother. And I understand about confiding in this person and them using it against you. I have known my stbxah since I was 8. I definitely thought I could trust him and shared more with him than anyone else in my life. And I guess that is what hurts so much that you trusted him and shared this info that made you vulnerable and he didn't protect you and the info and treat it as the cherished gift it was. I understand you think telling him about the attorney helped you. But in my humble opinion the time that is most dangerous is when you are trying to leave an abuser and they find out. You just let him know. Please be careful and please do not underestimate him. There are too many fatal incidents of "if I can't have them no one can" mentality. Please be safe!