Dee - I'm trying to be different, but not sure where to start. I work more now than before, it seems that it's helping, but I still need to chill and etc. Can't be working non stop, plus I still have this postpone thing, I dunno if it's the weed or it's just the way I am.
vanharten - keep on buddy, u gonna make it. I know that recreational use is not for me, because even if i start thinking about it, i see how i make plans to smoke again and again and again. It's better to not create your whole life around it, and yet I still fantasize that it will be different this time, but it won't, I know. I believe God is with us and helping us!
Happycampers - maybe there are people that manage to do it, but one really needs to change the way he thinks, and then maybe he wont have the "need" to get high ? I know that if I lit, I'll be back to it probably all the time.
I do handle stress better now, I think, I'm more calm and everything, managing things better but ...
I still have depression issues, difficulties taking decisions, etc ... some anxiety as well ... I'm not sure how to approach things ... and the loneliness ... that's a very tough one ... i feel quite lonely, currently I'm single, been trough some break ups while still smoking and it was rough, panic attacks and etc .. still not sure how's gonna be in a new relationship without the weed, I think I'm a funnier person when high, but also more anxious. But when high sometimes I think I look stupid, I'm embarrassed, but that also depends on whom I am with ... some ppl make me feel like that some not.
Also bout sex ... I remember this time after being sober for almost a year how I reinvented sex kind off when I relapsed ... how it is with you folks ? I saw no one mentioning that so far. Do u like it better with or without. I mean maybe it's better, but then u can't get enough and also there are moments when it's not better ... u have this obsessive thoughts in ur mind and can't relax, or u get dizzy and u're like wtf ... there were moments when I would even stop coz so high ... so I'm not sure even for that .. but other moments it was awesome ... i guess it's like that with weed, u dunno how it's gonna be ... maybe
Wackybunny - I might be romanticizing bout it, but I did felt better on curtain moments when high ... yeah, other were ****** up but ... now I'm like not excited as much about things as I used to be ... but I also don't freak out bout not having or using too much and etc ... but weed gave me some kind of magic over things ... making them more appealing, more beautiful ...
Mel - glad I helped, it does have symbolic view, yes, it's the way it was, not wanting to let go of me ... or I of it ... (I was gonna write her omg)
Soo bottom line, still sober, but little bit depressed ... for example watching a movie is not as appealing for me right now ... as if it's not gonna be so cool ... I dunno i think my brain is so used of the drug, that is hard for me to be without ... I mean yeah, it's not like I crave a lot or something, but it's like - what's the meaning and purpose of not smoking if I'm not gonna be happier ? Maybe I'm over thinking it and just need to get myself more busy and do things.
I just have this fog in my mind and I'm having harder time concentrating and taking decisions ...
As you can see I'm quite confused and rumbling random thoughts ... I hope I don't disturb any of you with my thoughts and fears ... I want to be supportive and not let u don't or something ... I'm just confused ... thanks folks